Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)

ACT is a way of working with the mind that helps you carry difficult experiences differently and live more fully.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT — said like the word “act”) is a way of working with the mind and emotions that helps people live more fully and meaningfully. Instead of trying to “get rid of” difficult thoughts and feelings, ACT teaches skills to carry them differently — so they don’t take over.

ACT isn’t about forcing positivity or ignoring pain. It’s about building psychological flexibility: the ability to notice what’s happening inside, make room for it, and still move in the direction of what matters most.

The six core skills below are like threads in a weave. You don’t need to practise them all at once — starting with just one can make a difference.

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Defusion

Defusion – Loosening the Grip of Thoughts

What it means: Our minds are busy storytellers. In ACT, defusion is about learning to notice thoughts as thoughts—just words and images the mind produces—rather than treating them as facts or instructions.

When thoughts get sticky: Sometimes a thought doesn’t just come and go. Instead, it clings, repeats itself, or pulls our attention in again and again. These recurring or heavy thoughts are often called “sticky thoughts.” They can sound like, “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll fail,” or “People will judge me.”

Why it helps: When a thought is sticky, we can end up obeying it automatically. Defusion creates a little space, so you choose your next step rather than the thought choosing it for you.

Try:

Name it: Add “I’m noticing the thought that…” before a sticky belief.
Label the mind’s activity: Briefly tag it—worrying, judging, planning, remembering.
Leaves on a Stream: Imagine placing each thought on a leaf and watching it drift past.
Write it down: Put the thought on paper and place it an arm’s length away.

Expansion – Making Room for Feelings

What it means: Expansion is about opening up to feelings rather than fighting or avoiding them. Feelings are natural body signals—like waves that rise, peak, and fall.

When feelings get overwhelming: It’s common to push them down or try to escape. But the more we resist, the bigger and scarier feelings can seem. Expansion invites us to soften, notice, and allow space for the feeling without being swallowed by it.

Why it helps: When you make room for emotions, they often move through more freely. You also discover you can carry feelings and keep living in line with your values.

Try:

Locate it: Gently notice where in the body the feeling shows up.
Breathe into it: Imagine the breath creating a little more room around the feeling.
Soften your stance: Instead of pushing it away, say to yourself, “This is here right now, and I can allow it to be.”

Connection – Coming Back to the Present

What it means: Connection (or mindfulness in ACT) is the skill of being here, now—engaging fully with the moment, rather than being lost in past regrets or future worries.

When the mind wanders: Minds are time-travelers, constantly replaying old stories or predicting what could go wrong. Connection brings attention back to what’s happening here and now, where real choices can be made.

Why it helps: Being present helps you notice opportunities, connect with others, and respond in ways that align with your values.

Try:

5 Senses Check: Pause and name something you can see, hear, touch, smell, and taste.
Anchor to the breath: Place a hand on your chest or belly and notice the rise and fall.
Notice small details: Feel the ground under your feet, or the texture of an everyday object.

Observing Self – The Part of You That Notices

What it means: In ACT, the “observing self” is the perspective from which you notice your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s the steady part of you that can step back and watch without getting entangled.

When identity feels tangled: It’s easy to get caught up in stories like “I am my anxiety” or “I am broken.” Observing self helps you recognise that you have thoughts and feelings, but you are not defined by them.

Why it helps: This perspective gives flexibility. It allows you to hold experiences lightly, without losing sight of your broader sense of self.

Try:

Notice the noticing: Pause and ask, “What am I aware of right now?” You’ll see you can notice a thought, and also notice that you’re noticing it.
Shift perspective: Imagine zooming out, like watching yourself kindly from above.
Different hats: Picture yourself wearing different “roles” (parent, worker, friend), and notice that underneath all roles, there’s still the same observing you.

Values – Clarifying What Matters

What it means: Values are the qualities that give direction to your life—like compassion, creativity, or family. They aren’t goals to tick off, but ongoing directions to move toward.

When life feels adrift: Without values as a compass, it’s easy to get lost in avoidance or drift with whatever thoughts and feelings demand. Naming your values helps you steer even when the waters are rough.

Why it helps: When you’re clear on what matters, you can choose actions that bring meaning, even when life is hard.

Try:

Imagine your 80th birthday: What would you want others to remember about how you lived?
Pick a domain: Choose one area (relationships, health, learning) and ask, “What qualities do I want to bring here?”
Values cards or lists: Explore words that resonate, then notice which light you up.

Exploring your own values

Sometimes it can feel hard to name what really matters to us. Having a list of words in front of you can make it easier to notice which ones spark recognition or meaning. Brené Brown has created a simple downloadable list of values that many people find useful as a starting point. It’s not about picking the “right” answer — just noticing which words feel close to the kind of life you’d like to be living.

Brené Brown – List of Values (Downloadable PDF)

Reflecting on life domains

One way of exploring values is by looking at different areas of your life — like family, friendships, health, work, or community — and noticing what kind of person you’d like to be in each. If you’d like some space to reflect on this, you can download a simple worksheet below.

Download the Life Domains Reflection Worksheet

Committed Action – Taking Steps Forward

What it means: Committed action is about turning values into small, practical steps—living them out in daily life. It’s less about grand plans and more about steady, meaningful choices.

When action feels hard: Thoughts and feelings often get in the way (“I’ll fail,” “It’s too much”). Committed action means you take steps anyway—flexibly, imperfectly, in the service of what matters.

Why it helps: Action builds momentum. Even small steps create a sense of vitality and direction.

Try:

One small step: Choose the tiniest action linked to a value (e.g., sending a text to reconnect, going for a walk, making art for 5 minutes).
Make it specific: Instead of “be healthier,” try “take a 10-minute walk after lunch.”
Adjust with kindness: If life changes, recommit by asking, “What step is possible right now?”

Putting It All Together

The six ACT skills often overlap. You might practice defusion and connection in the same moment, or notice values guiding your committed action while making space for tough feelings. They’re not steps to master in order, but flexible tools you can draw on as life unfolds.

Observing Self

Connection

Values

Committed Action

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ACT Metaphors – Stories That Stay With Us

Metaphors are a big part of ACT. They turn abstract ideas into something we can picture and carry with us:

Leaves on a Stream – Imagine your thoughts floating down a river, like leaves carried by water. You don’t need to stop them, just notice them drift by.

Tug of War with a Monster – Picture pulling on a rope against a huge monster. The harder you pull, the harder it pulls back. Dropping the rope doesn’t defeat the monster—it frees your energy for living.

Quicksand – Struggling to get out makes you sink deeper. The way forward is counterintuitive: spreading out and making space.

Passengers on the Bus – Imagine you’re the driver of a bus, and your thoughts and feelings are noisy passengers. You can let them shout, but you still get to steer.

Sky and Weather – Thoughts and feelings are like passing weather—sometimes stormy, sometimes calm. You are the sky: steady, spacious, always present.

These metaphors offer images that make ACT skills easier to remember in daily life.

Want to explore these practices in more depth?

You can download a free handout with step-by-step instructions for several ACT metaphors, including Leaves on the Stream, Tug of War with a Monster, Quicksand, Passengers on the Bus, Sky and Weather, and more.